FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIE REVIEW: “Fantastic Four” stars Miles Teller (Whiplash [2014], The Spectacular Now), Jamie Bell (King Kong [2005], The Adventures of Tintin [2011]), Kate Mara (Iron Man 2, 127 Hours), Michael B. Jordan (Creed, Chronicle), Tony Kebbell (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time), Reg E. Cathy (The Mask, Se7en), and Tim Blake Nelson (The Incredible Hulk, O Brother, Where Art Thou?). It is directed by Josh Trank (Chronicle, The Kill Point [TV series]) who also co-wrote the screenplay with Jeremy Slater (The Lazarus Effect, Death Note) and Simon Kinberg (X-Men: Days of Future Past, This Means War). When a young Reed Richards (Teller) gets enlisted by the government to create a teleportation device that could lead to a different dimension, his whole world is turned upside down. Along with his closest friends, Reed’s project goes awry and they end up with superpowers that can save the world. But for every superhero there is a villain…

Why am I writing this review? Seriously, why? Everyone has heard the same things over and over again about this film when talking about how awful it is. When I first heard that this movie was coming out, I was excited, but the more news that came from production, the more hatred grew inside of me. I planned to avoid seeing this release all together, but because of my curiosity, I had to try it out. And it’s a Friday night, so I have to review it no matter what. While this film was in pre-production, I followed it rather closely. Several problems plagued the creation of this movie, from Josh Trank being a jerk on set to creative control issues. I don’t know whose side is right, whether it’s Trank’s or Fox’s, but I’m sure that Fox would be the more wiser to screw up a film. Trank wasn’t the brightest pick for this movie either. At one point he said he wanted to make it a horror other than a superhero film, for reasons I don’t quite understand. I took a stance in my mind that I would hate this picture, no matter what the critics thought. One reason for that is because I didn’t want the Four to be young. Of course I don’t mind the Ultimate Fantastic Four comics, but they made the characters to be kids in this. Why?! It makes no sense and it brings little to the table when adults constantly watch over and baby them. Another aspect I didn’t like was the casting of Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm. I’m not racist, I just think that if people want a Black superhero, they should create a new one instead of changing the race of an already beloved character. It’s idiotic and I hated the decision. You know what else I hated? This film entirely. Now, I think that because of my low expectations, this movie was not complete garbage. At least parts of it. The first thirty minutes of this story was surprisingly good. It wasn’t grand, but it was okay. I liked how they established Reed’s smarts and how he became friends with Ben Grimm (Bell). He even discussed ideas he had, including the flying car. Once Reed took up the job to make a teleportation device, however, it slid on a deep slope into failure. Let’s examine the failing parts that make up this stinking pile of a movie. The first is the characters. All of your beloved superheroes are showcased in the worst of ways, with all of them having little chemistry with one another. Every joke that escaped their mouths felt forced and their friendships felt fake. I didn’t care for Reed, Sue (Mara), Johnny, or Grimm. Not one bit. Even when they began to split apart with Reed and hate him I didn’t care. All I wanted to see was the credits. I could tell that the actors tried to make it work though. Miles Teller, having performed greatly in “Whiplash,” struggled to do anything right in this release. The same goes to Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, and Michael B. Jordan. They just didn’t cut it. And I think that goes to the directing. Maybe Trank didn’t give a crap during the production because of how it was falling apart. He probably gave up and just tried to get the nightmare over as quick as he could. If he did, I could tell. Next, the special effects were bland. Some of them were cool, like the Thing (who got little action time), while others were cringeworthy, like Johnny flying into the base. The highs weren’t that high and the lows were rock bottom in the visual effects department. When Reed, Grimm, Johnny, and Victor (Kebbell) crossed over to the other dimension I could see that they used a green screen behind them. It was way too obvious. And the monkey they tested on was absolutely CGI, and poorly crafted at that. So many scenes with visual effects failed to hit the marker in this. The villain himself, Victor Von Doom, was probably the worst part of this movie…wait…no he’s not. But let me talk about him for a second. Who decided to warp Dr. Doom!? For one, he’s not supposed to looked like aluminum foil with green veins, and for two, where’s the electricity powers!? All he had was telekinesis. Whoever changed him was on crack! I hated the rendition, and how he got defeated leads me to the worst part of this picture: the ending. I have never seen a more anticlimactic ending in my life. Not one second did I feel on the edge of my seat. The story just…ended. It wasn’t like it built up to anything, because it didn’t. They basically just went back to the other dimension and picked up Doom to fight him. That was it! And what did Doom do to fight? He threw dirt and rocks at them. HOW DIABOLICAL! It was one of the most shortest, stupidest endings I have seen in a while and it lowered this movie’s score even further. Besides the beginning, there was really nothing good about this release. It started and then it ended, and I wish I got that time back. Overall, I thought this was a horrid attempt to bring back the Fantastic Four, but I’m sure that Fox doesn’t want to give up the rights anytime soon. Be prepared for the same origin story again in seven years. FINAL SCORE: 38%= Burnt Popcorn

Here is the trailer: